One Girl. Three Boys. My Life.

I’ve always been an incredibly independent person, probably to a fault. My first instinct when someone offers me help of any kind is to quickly and politely decline. “No thanks. I’ve got this.”

For some reason accepting help has always felt like a sign of weakness to me. And asking for help, well that’s just admitting defeat.

When Noah was born I was convinced I could and should do everything myself. I received too many stares from strangers because I was a young [looking] mom. I felt the need to prove to them and to everyone that I was capable. I was working full time and determined to do it all on my own.

Then life intervened and I began to learn that help is actually a beautiful thing. To be blessed with so many people in our lives willing to help. This is a lesson that has been 27 or so years in the making.

Sure, I can do it all on my own, but why? I can accomplish so much more with the support of my family and friends, why not take them up on it? One day, I’ll even be soliciting help first!

One example: Thanks to a lot of help this weekend our death trap of a deck was demolished a safe new deck finished! Thanks to family our house is really shaping up this year! [Future blog post: The Joys of Buying a Foreclosure]

All these books I bought in February? Read. Them. All.

Winning.

I started this book with low expectations. I am not an avid romance novel reader and I heard the grammar/language was lacking. I really liked it at first, but then it just dragged on. I got bored with the circles Ana and Christian walked in. Very little happened for a majority of the book. Also, whoever edited it should be fired.

Two things really irked me.
1. The parts mentioning Ana’s “subconscious” and her “inner goddess.” What the hell was that?
2. Ana’s whole “I don’t know how attractive I am yet every guy the book mentions is in love with me” attitude. Sorry, you lost me there.

It was an ok read, but I won’t be reading the other two. Too many books, so little time.

This past week I had the opportunity to volunteer for two different organizations. I am blessed to work for a company that places an emphasis on leaving a positive impact on our local communities.

First we helped with painting and weeding at House of Charity in downtown Minneapolis. They provide transitional and permanent housing for the homeless and recovering addicts. They not only house and feed 145 individuals everyday, but feed lunch to another 3-600 everyday as well. They also have chemical dependency treatment programs available to these individuals as well. They are a great group of people and do great work in our community. In the 3 hours we were there we were able to tackle a weeks worth of work for them.

The second organization was ARC of Minnesota an organization that helps provide and lobby for people with developmental disabilities. We helped sort and shelve donations at one of their retail stores and saved them two weeks of work! It was a great opportunity to learn more about ARC and I found my new favorite thrift store! I went back on Saturday to pick up this painting I saw when we were sorting.

Again, I am so grateful to work for a company that values service as much as I do. It’s hard being a working mama and trying to find time to give back. Lately I’ve been focusing on living my life more deliberately and finding a way to serve is a part of that. Whether that means doing it over my lunch break or finding a family friendly activity, I want to do more for others.

This past weekend we finally planted the vegetable garden. It was quite the feat getting everything in the ground. We started with our lawn:

We started with a shovel but quickly wised up and rented a sod kicker from the local hardware store. That made the job much easier. We finally got everything cleared and planted on Mother’s Day.

AND Ta-da!

With any luck this summer we will have homegrown snap peas, green beans, tomatoes, carrots, summer squash, zucchini, potatoes, and corn. I am so excited to take this on as a summer project! Someday we’d love to add chickens to the mix too!

“Eventually I raise my hand high enough to get called on. I announce that I doubt I’m an alcoholic, since I never drink in the mornings, and nothing particularly bad has ever happened to me—not bankruptcy, car wreck, nor even the standard mugging. While I expect some indictment, everyone smiles that sugary smile I mistrust and nods, and the lady next to me whispers, Keeping coming.

Have you ever read a book where at the end you feel like you know the author? Like it would be perfectly normal to call them up and grab a cup of coffee? This is how I feel like Karr after reading her memoir Lit. She was an aspiring poet. She was a drunk. She pulled her head out of her ass, slowly, and sobered up. It was a struggle for her and the path was twisted and turned back around on itself at some points. Still, in the end, she’s on the recovery road.

Her story is a great illustration of the struggle of recovery, the fact that one rarely gets there in a straight line. The peace Karr finds before the death of her mother is so far from the anguish she lives in during her drinking days, it’s nothing short of a miracle. To see someone who struggled so fiercely with her spirituality find some serenity in time is truly inspiring. You’re not meant to figure out all of life’s secrets, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find peace in the beauty life brings. Nobody’s perfect and nobody is meant to be.

Good days, I see myself in others, and I know—in my bone marrow—nothing we truly love is ever lost, no matter what form it assumes. There are days when through fear and egoism I shake my fist at the sky, afterward feeling silly and worn out as a toddler post-temper tantrum.

Every now and then we enter the presence of the numinous and deduce for an instant how we’re formed, in what detail the force that infuses every petal might specifically run through us, wishing only to lure us into our full potential. Usually, the closest we get is when e love, or when some beloved beams back, which can galvanize you like steel and make resilient what had heretofore only been soft flesh… It can start you singing as the lion pads over to you, its jaws hinging open, its hot breath on you. Even unto death. 

[You can hear Mary talk about the book here]